Keep Her Read online

  “Who hung this shit? Had to be Dad. Nails sticking out all over the place.”

  I laughed as I dropped the paint brush to tend to Marcus’s boo boo. “Probably. You know Mom was more of a handyman than he is.”

  “No shit. And that’s why the damn ducks have grins across their stupid beaks. She’s mocking me and punishing us for ripping down her beloved décor.”

  Mom and her country chic. Back then, it was acceptable. Today… “Yeah, as much as I hate to strip this place of her charm, it really needs it.” It pained me to say it. It actually hurt. None of us had been back to the lake house since Mom died, but when Marcus asked me to help him redecorate and modernize the place, I jumped at the chance. It was time I could spend bonding with my little brother and reminiscing about old times. We needed this. I just never imagined it would be so hard.

  “I still can’t believe she’s gone, Marcus.” I didn’t want to cry. It made Marcus uncomfortable, but watching him rid the kitchen of something that symbolized my mom… it sucked. No other way to put it. It was like we were erasing her—adding another layer of dirt to the grave.

  Clearing his throat and climbing down from the stool with the dusty curtains in his hands, Marcus groaned, “Oh, Ry. Come on. These ducks have quacked their last quack. Please don’t lose it over these ancient things.”

  “It’s not about the curtains,” I whispered, wiping the tears with the back of my hand. “I miss her so much, Marcus. She should be here.”

  Slumping into a rickety kitchen chair—those were going too; we’d ordered a new set from Pottery Barn that would arrive tomorrow—Marcus ran his hands through his hair. “She is here.” He smiled, obviously reflecting on a fond memory. “Do you remember the year Beck and I almost killed those people fueling up at the gas station?”

  I shook my head at the memory and grabbed a couple beers from the fridge. “I don’t know what Dad was thinking, letting a fourteen-year-old Beck drive the boat.”

  “It wasn’t our fault Dad fell asleep.”

  With two cold bottles on the table, I took a seat across from my brother. “No, but it was your fault that you two hot-shots thought you could handle docking and gassing up the boat.”

  Marcus tried to hide his grin, but it was impossible. He clinked the neck of his bottle against mine and took a long pull. “Shit, that poor innocent puppy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess it was kind of a disaster. Funny now. Then—not so much.”

  “You two put Mom and Dad through fucking hell.”

  “Oh, ‘cause you were Miss Perfect. Mom saved your ass that time you came home drunk and fell asleep on the floor of the shower stall.”

  “Mom ripped me a new one for that. I was grounded for three weeks.”

  “Oh! Three weeks. Call social services. You got off easy.”

  “You always thought that, but I definitely had it harder than you. Being the first, they always expected more from me, but you, Marcus, you were her favorite.” I sipped my beer, thinking back on how she doted over her only son. It made me resentful, but it also made me smile. My mom loved with all her heart. Even if she coddled Marcus a little more than she did me, our bond was so strong I still felt it today, even in her absence.

  “Riley, you’re fucking crazy if you think I was her favorite. I appreciate the gesture, but what the two of you had… I was so damn jealous. Dad and I were never that close and as much as Mom loved me… Shit, Ry—the sun rose and set with you. You have to know that.”

  Did I know that? There was a part of me that did, but there was a part of me that always wondered if I’d done right by my mom. Maybe an outsider had the power to see it better than someone who experienced it every day, took it for granted.

  God, I missed her.

  Fingering the raggedy old table cloth, full of snags and stains from years of use and reuse, I let the tears fall, unashamed. “I’m so glad we’re doing this together, Marcus.” I reached out to grab his hand.

  He didn’t reject my touch, he didn’t roll his eyes. He let me latch on, comforting me with tiny circles on my palm as I cried. “She would be happy we’re doing this together. She’d hate that Dad let this place go to shit,” I said between sniffles.

  He finished off his beer, setting the empty glass down on the table and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Oh, totally. She’s probably dancing along to the tunes as we speak.” He looked up, as if peeking into heaven. “Hey, Ma. The ducks can suck it! Next—we move onto those ridiculous toile bedspreads.”

  Dropping my hand from his, I stood from the table to race up the stairs, calling out behind me. “You’re not touching those!”

  “Like hell I’m not,” he bellowed, chasing after me. “I’ll fucking burn them as soon as you leave.”

  “Not if I take them with me.”

  “Be my guest, Ry. But don’t tell your clients you’re holding onto that tacky shit. It will ruin your credibility.”

  We joked around like that the entire time we worked on the remodel. There were memories in every nook and cranny of the house—reminders in silly things like stolen salt and pepper shakers, rusted lounge chairs, old board games shoved into the back of the closet. Marcus was right—my mom was there. She always would be. And she’d be happy we were going on with living our lives as normally as we could with the gaping hole in our hearts.

  After bonding with Marcus over the remodel and talking with Beck a little while ago, Fourth of July was turning into my favorite holiday of the year.

  Tessa and I were on good terms—now that I had the stick out of my ass about her relationship with Marcus. I had to admit, it took me calling her out on being a bad friend for not supporting my craziness with Beck. Hypocrite. Spelled out letter by letter, enunciated syllable by syllable—that’s what I was. But luckily that was water under the bridge, thanks to my understanding and forgiving BFF.

  Life was freaking good. Everything seemed right. I couldn’t help but smile as I held Luca in my arms, keeping an eye on him for Tessa, who’d gone to find Marcus.

  Dancing to the summer soundtrack I’d programmed into Marcus’s iPod, I bounced Luca up and down. As I swirled him around the edge of the deck, I saw Beck making his way toward me with two beers and a dazzling smile.

  When he reached the two of us, he put my beer down on the bar and tickled Luca under his chin with his free hand. “What have we got here? Auntie Riley getting some practice?”

  My eyes popped open at how free he was becoming with his thoughts. Things were going fast, but not that fast. “B, you’re joking right?”

  He looked and me, confused at first, and then realization set in. “Oh, no! That’s not what I meant. Oh my god, you must think I’m fucking crazy. What I meant was—Shit, total foot in mouth moment. What an ass.” He was stuttering his words and backing away from Luca like he had some infectious disease. The only thing infectious about this little boy was his cuteness. Apparently, he made everyone baby crazy.

  “It’s okay. I know that’s not what you meant. Don’t worry, I won’t be asking you to make me a mommy any time soon. We’ve got plenty of time for that.”

  “Shit,” he huffed, brushing a hand through his hair and gulping down his beer. “Sometimes things just slip out of my mouth without consulting my brain. Can’t help my tongue around you, sweet thing.” The old cool and confident Beck was back. I liked every side of Beck… sweet, sexy, confident, and vulnerable. I couldn’t wait to uncover more.

  “So, do you have a status update on Marcus’s intoxication level, yet?”

  Shifting Luca to my other hip, I shook my head. “That’s a negative. I actually haven’t seen him in a while. I wonder if Tessa ever—” The sound of screaming from inside the house broke my attention. Beck and I looked at each other for a split second before darting toward the sliding doors to see what was going on.

  Through the glass I could see a crowd huddled around Marcus and Tessa—Marcus was yelling and Tessa was crying. What the fuck? Without hesitation, I shov
ed the doors open to see what was going on.

  When Tessa spotted me, she jetted in my direction and tore Luca out of my arms. “I’m leaving,” she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Tessa, what—”

  “I. Need. To. Leave.” She spoke out of desperation. “Pack my stuff and bring it home with you, okay?” I nodded, not knowing what else to say. Not understanding what the hell had happened.

  After Tessa whooshed past me in a frantic hurry, and the only sounds that filled the silence were the revving of her car engine and the crunching of gravel as she peeled out, I turned to look to Marcus for an answer.

  He stood there, sobbing, blood dripping from his hand.

  “Jesus Christ, what goes on?” I mumbled to myself.

  Beck was already at his side, trying to calm him down. I started to walk over to them to find out what the hell had just taken place, and then I saw her—A raven-haired, half-dressed, sly-looking thing, parading down the steps like a stripper on stage, wiping the smeared lipstick from her face.

  Taking it all in, I gasped in horror. You’d have to be blind not to put two and two together. “You son of a bitch!” I screamed, lunging at my asshole of a brother. “I knew this would fucking happen. I knew it!” Marcus didn’t need to say a word, the evidence of his betrayal of Tessa was staring straight at me, wearing a shit-eating grin.

  Marcus turned to the bitch in question and spat, “Get the fuck out of my house!” before running to the front door and clumsily attempting to grab his keys off the hook.

  The nosy crowd of onlookers parted as Satin-the-slut slithered her way out the back door. Beck rushed to Marcus’s side, blocking him. “Whoa, buddy. Not so fast. Where do you think you’re going? You’ve been drinking all day. You can’t drive.”

  Marcus put up a good fight against Beck, who was restraining his arms. My brother pushed him a few times, banging him against the wall in their struggle, but when he realized Beck wasn’t budging, Marcus finally relented.

  Deflating against the wall and dropping to his knees, I could see the pain wash over his usually flawless face. “I can’t lose her, Riley. I have to go after her.”

  As tortured as he seemed, I had no pity on him. This was exactly what I’d been warning Tessa about. I knew in time he’d fuck up. I just didn’t think he’d do it with such a skank. And with Tessa right under his nose. “You should have thought about that before you went and fucked Little Miss Twat-wad.” I ranted and raved and truly let him have it. He deserved to feel like shit for this. Someone had to make him hurt the way Tessa was hurting right now.

  But no matter how low my blows fell, Marcus was still trying to go after her. “Let me go,” he begged. “I have to go after her.” He stood again, trying to bypass the brick wall that was Beck, guarding the front door.

  Grabbing fistfuls of his hair and taking deep, exasperated breaths, Marcus finally looked at me with the most pathetic of expressions. His eyes pleaded with me for mercy as he cried, “I fucking love her! Don’t you see that? I love her, Riley. I can’t let her go!”

  It was the first time I’d ever heard Marcus say those words about anyone. I had a feeling he and Tessa had been sneaking around for a while and things were more serious than they’d let on, but I had no idea he’d fallen in love with her.

  Hot, hateful tears sprang to my own eyes. Tears for my brother, who had finally given his heart to someone. Tears for Tessa, who was now broken-hearted because of his mistakes. Tears for myself for not nurturing their love from the beginning. Perhaps I would have had the power to stop something like this from happening by allowing them to do their thing without judgment. I was all over the place—I just wanted to make this all go away.

  Beck, witnessing my breakdown, came to my side and placed a consoling arm around my shaking body. After scanning the room he raised his voice over the murmurs of the forgotten crowd. “Show’s over, everyone. Beer’s outside.” At their grumbles he shouted, “Everybody out,” then rounded them up like cattle and steered them through the sliders.

  I couldn’t stop staring at my brother. “Why?” I finally asked. “If you love her, why the hell did you do this?”

  Finally giving up his fight to chase Tessa down, he stared me in the eye with intensity. “I didn’t. It’s all a misunderstanding. I swear to Christ, Ry. I did not touch that girl. Tessa walked in on me pushing her off me. I would never hurt Tessa, Ry. Never. I love her so damn much. You have to help me get her back.” His words were so desperate I wanted to believe him. Could I?

  I turned to Beck, who was also staring at a distraught Marcus, probably wondering the same things I was. “Do you think he’s telling the truth?” Beck had to have the answers. Someone besides my drunken brother had to have the answers.

  “Stop fucking talking about me like I’m not here! I can hear you and I’m telling you the fucking truth!” Marcus was irate, even from his feeble position crumpled up on the floor.

  Beck went to him and kneeled down, comforting his friend. “Bro, calm down. I know you didn’t screw that girl. I know you love Tessa, but you have to let her cool off and you need to sober up. Maybe even take a cold shower. We’ll bandage up that hand and tomorrow will be a new day.”

  “Tomorrow will be too late,” Marcus said, hanging his head.

  “It won’t be. I promise.” Beck placed a hand on Marcus’s shoulder and then looked up to me. “We promise. Don’t we, Riles?”

  In that moment, Marcus looked to me for guidance, for reassurance, for unconditional acceptance. All those years that I had tried to take my mother’s place—being strong for my brother and hoping to teach him life’s lessons—meant shit. Now was when he needed me to believe in him most. I couldn’t let him down. “Marcus, we’ll get her back for you, sweetie. I promise.”

  Getting Marcus to calm down was like trying to wrangle a pack of rabid wolves. He’d clawed and barked, sometimes foaming at the mouth to try and get past me and Riley for his car keys. Finally, we had to hide them in a box of Hostess Devil Dogs way in the back of the pantry. There was no way he was looking in there, even out of desperation.

  The rest of the guests dispersed after the scene, eventually realizing that neither Marcus nor Riley were in a mood to entertain anymore. Once the drama was over, they also realized there was nothing left to see. Unfortunately for their host, the fireworks that went on indoors were much more of a crowd pleaser than the ones that lit up the summer sky.

  Once Marcus was done trashing the kitchen and breaking whatever was in his path, he sat down on the couch, staring out the window like an abandoned puppy. There was no doubt in my mind he was praying and pleading with God for Tessa to come back. It was a pitiful sight—the phone in his hand, pressing redial over and over again, wiping the tears from his face every time he wound up with the same empty result. Riley finally had to pry the phone out of his vice-like grip and send Tessa a text herself, letting her know she was worried about her getting home okay and asking her to call when she did.

  In the time it should have taken Tessa to arrive safely home, she still hadn’t called. But Marcus was now passed out in his spot by the window, where he was keeping vigil for his girl. I kept telling him he needed to give her more time and to let it all cool down. He didn’t want rationalities and friendly, logical advice. He wanted his girl back. He wanted to erase the whole night and make it fucking disappear. Besides, who was I to promise him anything? I had no idea how this would turn out.

  What a fucking mess. That was all I kept thinking. Marcus had finally given up his game for a special girl, the girl. He’d done what everyone who knew him thought was an impossibility for Marcus Grayson, Man-Whore, Underwear-Modeling Bachelor-for-Life—he’d fallen in love. And as with most first loves, he was experiencing his first heartbreak.

  I felt so sorry for the bastard, knowing what it was like to have my own heart ripped out of my chest by the woman I loved. But watching this all play out, I also felt something else. Something totally unexpected. It was t
his overwhelming need to let Riley know exactly how I felt about her. To allow myself to give in to what my heart was telling me to do. To let go of the past—even though it was something I once wanted for my future—in order to make room for something that had taken me by total surprise.

  As shocking and quick as this whole thing had happened with her, if I gave in to the chance of starting something up with Riley (without the prospect of Marissa coming back into the picture one day), it would be incredible. So why was I fighting it? Because of time? Because of her brother? Thinking about it now, they seemed like ridiculous reasons to stop myself from giving in to what I was beginning to feel for Riley. We’d connected in a way I’d never imagined, and I owed it to myself, and to her, to see where it could go.

  I checked on a snoring Marcus one more time, propping his head up with a pillow in case he decided to chuck up all the extra alcohol he’d consumed trying to numb his pain. When it was safe to assume he would be alive again for at least another twelve hours, I walked through the sliders into the dim light of the moon to find Riley star-gazing on the dock.

  She’d changed out of her bathing suit and into a pair of shorts and an oversized sweatshirt. She still looked beautiful, but she also looked sad. The night air was cooler than it had been all day, but the way she hugged her arms around herself made me think she was cold.

  “Chilly?” I asked, startling her.

  “Oh, hey. How long have you been standing there?” She pulled her feet up out of the water and curled them underneath her.

  “Long enough to see you’re upset.” Crickets chirped in the distance as I sat down next to her and pulled her close, hooking my arm around her waist.

  “Perceptive, B. Another adorably attractive attribute of yours.” She smiled, looking into my eyes.

  “Nothing tops all your adorable attributes,” I said, losing myself in her warm, soothing gaze. Staring a bit too long, maybe making her uncomfortable. Her eyes left mine and she looked down at our joined hands.