Take My Breath Away (The Every Breath Duet Book 2) Read online

  Hunter stood. Taking a deep breath, he burrowed his hands in his hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “Then tell me what you did mean to do. Explain it to me, Hunter. Because a year and a half ago everything seemed fine. No, it wasn’t perfect. And yeah, we had our issues, but everything was good. Then you fucked it all up and you left. You asked for a divorce. You made me believe it was over. What did you expect me to do after that? Did you want me to remain a pathetic, heartbroken victim? Did you want me to wait around for you, never knowing you planned on coming back?”

  “I didn’t want you to wind up with him! I didn’t expect any of this!”

  Maybe my empathy was a curse, because in that moment—hearing the crack in his voice, seeing the tears glisten in his eyes—my heart sank to my stomach and it made me feel ill. I was no stranger to his pain. I understood it. But I wanted to understand everything. We both had questions that needed answering, and fighting or ignoring them would get us nowhere.

  Hunter and I used to be able to talk about anything. I’d never lied to him, not once. After everything we’d been through, it was clear our marriage had flaws. But our love did not. It was once pure and real. Things had changed immensely; I was certain they were irreversible. But buried beneath the hurt and lies, we were still the same two people. If I dug deep enough, maybe this didn’t have to be so hard.

  With a calming breath, I released the tension that stiffened my muscles and softened my tone. “Are you telling me you had no idea how Sam felt about me?”

  Hunter shook his head and let out a laugh that contained zero levity. “Of course, I knew how he felt about you. It’s why I trusted him above everyone else. But I had no idea you felt the same. If I had even the slightest clue this might happen, I would’ve never left. I would have come up with another plan. Anything not to lose you to him.”

  Hunter didn’t lose me to Sam. He lost me to his lying, his gambling, and of his own accord. He filed for the divorce, he thrust those papers in my face and made me sign them. He put us in this predicament and made all the decisions on his own.

  Maybe if he’d stayed we could have figured this out together. But then again, if he had stayed, I would have never realized how much I loved Sam.

  But how could I bring myself to talk to Hunter about Sam? It was all so strange. Not only was it uncomfortable to express my feelings for another man to my ex-husband, but it seemed a betrayal on Sam. And maybe I shouldn’t care about betraying him after what he did, but I believed in the sacredness of our relationship. I wanted to hold on to it as long as I could because who knew what would happen after this.

  Pushing Sam aside for the time being, I decided it was time Hunter explained. “Can you please tell me how this happened? I’m tired of trying to piece everything together with these tiny, mixed up bits of the whole. I want to know everything, and I need to know what’s going on with you and Memphis.”

  With a long sigh, Hunter lifted his face to the sky. “It’s all so fucked up, I don’t even know where to begin, London.”

  “Then start at the beginning, and we’ll take it from there.”

  We walked down to the ocean, staying far enough from where the water rolled in and met the sand that we wouldn’t get wet. Hunter and I had strolled this shoreline together so many times in the past that I found myself reaching to grab his hand out of habit, but quickly retreated before he could notice.

  After a minute or two, he tucked his hands away in his coat pockets and finally started to talk. “When I reached out to the bookie to place that first bet, I never imagined it would turn into this. I thought it was the answer to all of our money problems, and guess what, Lon, for a little while it was. I got ahead a few times. I was able to provide for us, to pay some bills, to make ends meet. But soon my beginner’s luck ran out and then . . . I went too far. I got lost in the high of winning, and eventually dug a hole so deep there was no getting out of it.

  “I filed for the divorce because I wanted to clear you of all ties to me. The people I got messed up with weren’t exactly the most . . . savory of individuals. I was worried they’d come after you, so I had to get far away to avoid that possibility at all costs. Lying to you about that is by far the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, my deepest fucking regret. I should have told you what I was doing, I realize that now. I should have told you the truth about why I was leaving. None of this should’ve happened.” He breathed deeply, looking ahead, still leading the way as we walked along the moonlit path.

  I was mesmerized by the retelling of his story—a story he lived while still married to me. It was almost as if he had a double life; a well-kept secret in an alternate universe.

  How had I been so blind? How had I not realized where the money was coming from?

  I wanted to say something, but I was speechless. Sensing this, Hunter cleared his throat and continued. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I was going to Arizona to stay with my parents, but I wasn’t truthful with them either. I told them I lost my job in New Bedford and made up a lie about coming there to scope things out for us. I led them to believe you stayed behind to tend to your mother while I was searching for a way to start fresh out there. So, they lent me some money and pointed me in the right direction to find work, but then Memphis convinced me to go out to San Diego for a visit. It had been so long since I’d seen him, and I needed a friend. I missed you, everything was crumbling apart around me, and I needed a break.

  “When I got there and saw how well your brother was doing for himself, I felt like the biggest fucking loser. I’d failed you, I’d lied to everyone I loved, and I truly believed there was no way to turn things around. I confided in Memphis, about everything. At first, he tried to set me on the straight and narrow. He talked me into believing there was still a chance to make things right, but when I returned to Arizona and settled into living in my parents’ guest bedroom, I felt even lower than I had before. It was a rock bottom moment, Lon. I was so desperate to get back to you, so impatient to fix it right then and there. I didn’t want to uproot you from New Bedford, away from your mother, from everything you knew and loved, at the maybe-chance that I could find a job there and we could start fresh. So—”

  “You called the bookie again,” I interrupted on a sigh.

  He swallowed hard and simply nodded.

  “Okay,” I said, stopping to face him. “But how did Memphis get involved? You said he tried to help you. I still don’t understand how he got himself mixed up, too.”

  Hunter closed his eyes and shrugged as if he were just as confused as I was, like the answer would present itself out of thin air. “We never intended for this. It just . . . happened. When I found myself in trouble again . . . I went to Vegas. I had to get ahead, and . . . Memphis met me there. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents the truth. He was all I had.”

  My brother wasn’t exactly my favorite person in the world, but he was a grown man who’d never had a problem making the right choices for himself. He was accountable for his actions. He was at fault, too, but I was so angry at Hunter for getting Memphis mixed up in this mess. It was clear the old Hunter I loved and respected was lost and broken beyond compare, but why did he have to bring Memphis down with him? “And this is how you repay him? By fucking up his life, too?”

  He brought his hands up to his face, hiding his eyes from me. He emptied a roar-like scream into his palms and then dropped them back to his sides.

  “I am so ashamed of myself, London. I am so sorry I couldn’t be a better man. I hate myself for what I’ve done, for how I let you down.”

  He was crying now. The old Hunter never cried. I tried to recall if he shed even a single tear the night he asked for the divorce, the night he shattered my already breaking heart. Knowing what I knew now, living through that lie must’ve been torture for him, but he still did it. Tormented as he was, he’d still gone through with his plan. And no, he hadn’t cried. He left that all to me. God only knew how many times I’d cried since h
e left. How devastated I truly was . . . before . . .

  And now I was crying again. Fresh tears for the pain of what I now knew, old tears for remembering old hurt.

  My body trembled, from both the cold penetrating my weary bones and the emotions penetrating my fragile heart. There was only one thing left to ask, only one burning question left unanswered. “Why did you come back, Hunter? Tell me, what do you want?”

  Stepping forward and eating up the space between us, he gripped my arms and held them tight. “I came back for you,” he cried. “I want you, London.”

  And then . . . he kissed me.

  London

  I RAN. I ran so fast off that beach, ignoring Hunter and our kiss as he chased after me and called my name. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t envision a happy ending to any of this. After all this time apart, I still needed the distance from him.

  His confession was a crushing weight on my chest. And that kiss. It was a shock—a mystifying mixture of forgotten memories and forbidden betrayal. It felt right because it was familiar. I missed those lips; I’d craved them on so many lonely nights. But it felt wrong because of Sam. Because Sam had saved me from the emptiness.

  I hadn’t spoken to him since last night, dodging his phone calls and erasing his texts as quickly as they came in. Only one had raised an alarm, causing me to read it before I could get rid of it like all the others.

  If you won’t talk to me, please talk to Memphis. We’re in serious trouble this time, London.

  Had he lied to me on that beach yet again? Was he really back for me or was he back because he and Memphis needed help paying a debt?

  I didn’t know what the hell to believe and I didn’t want to hear anymore right now. It was all too much. I couldn’t decipher between fact and fiction, right and wrong. I couldn’t let him get inside my head any more than he already had.

  My feelings for Sam had even been compromised. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was the only good guy in all of this, but the truth still remained that he’d lied to me too.

  But he was coming home today and I had to focus on that. I had to throw the little strength I had left into him, even if part of me wanted space from him, as well.

  I couldn’t talk to Sam or my mother about any of this just yet. Their recoveries were far more important. Alone and struggling with the heaviness of my confused emotions, I had no outlet . . . other than Allie.

  “Do you want my help bringing Sam home? I get off work in an another hour. I’d leave now but I took a little longer than usual for lunch and my boss is already up my ass.”

  I laughed as I listened to her rattle on, finally interrupting to give her the abridged version of why I actually called her in the first place.

  I wished I felt lighter once everything was off my chest. Unfortunately, I didn’t. But I was certain I came to the right person. Allie always gave good, unbiased advice.

  This time, however, I might’ve stumped even her. She listened in silence, gasping and cursing a few times, and when I was finally done recounting everything Hunter told me, she was chock full of the kinds of questions I didn’t know how to answer. “What kind of trouble are they in? Have you spoken to Sam about it yet? Do you want to get back with Hunter? What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know, Al! It’s kind of why I called you.” It was silly to expect her to solve all of my problems in the time it would take me to get to the hospital. What I needed was a magic wand, or a miracle. But much like everything else as of late, I wasn’t that lucky.

  “Do you want me to talk to Memphis? Maybe I can get a straight answer out of him. I think Hunter is dealing with the blow of learning about you and Sam; he’s not thinking straight. Neither of you are. But I think Memphis will be forthcoming with me. It’s been a while, but we used to be tight. If he’s as desperate as you’ve let on, he’ll talk to me.”

  Back in high school, Allie had a major crush on Memphis. Most of the time he paid her no mind, but on the odd occasion when we all hung out together, they were pretty chummy. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they’d taken their semi-friendship to the next level, but then again, look at me and Sam. Stranger things had happened, and closer people had kept secrets from me. Either way, I was reluctant to drag Allie into any of this, but God help me, I needed back up. My brain was on the verge of spontaneous combustion, and I was sure the worst hadn’t happened yet.

  “You’d do that for me?” I asked, hoping her offer was a solid one.

  “Of course. Text me his number. I can’t promise anything, but I can try.”

  I hung up with Allie, praying she’d find the answers I was too much of a coward to seek out on my own. But by the time Sam and I arrived back at our home, I was no more settled than I had been all week and I could feel the storm coming.

  Sam had been laid up on the couch for the last hour. I threw in a load of laundry after I finished unpacking his bags from the hospital. Avoiding him was cruel. Strong and resilient as he seemed, he was in no shape to chase me around. So, when lunchtime rolled around and I brought him a sandwich, he took that as an opportunity for me to un-ignore him.

  “We have to talk about this, London. You can’t keep pretending everything’s okay when I can tell you’re boiling inside.”

  Oh, he had that right. My insides were bubbling over with nerves and fears as I danced around reality with two left feet and disregarded what I knew I would eventually have to face.

  But I was petrified. I’d already survived having my life pulled out from under me. I wasn’t so sure I could handle it a second time. Or would this be the third? Who the fuck knew?

  “What if I don’t feel like talking about it?” I sounded like a petulant child, but I couldn’t help it. Reverting was my coping mechanism and it had worked thus far.

  “London, please. Sit down and talk to me. I want to know what he told you. I need to explain myself. Please give me that chance.”

  Did I owe him that much? I wasn’t so sure. It was hard to see Sam as anything but a liar. I hated that this one thing had the ability to ruin my entire perception of him—my best friend of almost twenty years, the man I’d spent the last three months loving as I’d never loved anyone before. But this one thing was a big thing. Sam felt like a stranger now. How could I believe anything he said when it had come so easy for him to lie to me?

  I should be expressing all of this to him, but why? Why should I? He no longer deserved my vulnerability. I trusted him with it—with all of me—and the moment he decided to withhold information from me was the moment he stomped on my trust and crushed it as if it meant nothing to him.

  “London!” he shouted, causing me to snap my head in his direction. I was in a fog and he was the beacon bringing me back to shore.

  Tears welled up in my eyes at the realization that this was going to happen. There was no way to hide from it anymore.

  “What, Sam? What can you possibly say to make me feel any better about this?”

  Brows knitted together, he closed his eyes and reopened them with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, but I am so fucking sorry for not telling you sooner. I wanted to. Every day I wanted to, but . . . I couldn’t. You were so happy. I didn’t want to ruin it.”

  “It’s a little too late for that,” I admitted.

  “Is it, though? Do you really not understand?”

  “Do you not understand?” I stood, looking down at him. “Can you honestly tell me you don’t get how I feel? Then let me explain it to you . . . Hunter lied to me. My brother lied to me. You lied to me. You can use the excuse that you were all trying to protect me, but in the process of trying to ‘keep me safe’ you also obliterated any trust I had left in any of you.

  “You watched on silently as I struggled with losing Hunter. I hated him for what he did, but I still loved him, Sam. I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t want any of this. And all along you knew! You fucking knew what he was doing and you played along with it. Where was your lo
yalty? It was supposed to be with me! I still can’t believe you hid this from me all that time. Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurts?”

  “I do understand. Of course, I do, babe, but—”

  “No!” I interrupted, sniffling back tears. “Don’t babe me. I’m just as mad at Hunter for what he did, but what you did, it’s like you stole me right from under his nose. You took complete advantage of the situation. Did you intend on making your move as soon as he was out of the picture? Did you prey on my weaknesses to make me fall for you? How am I supposed to believe any of what we shared was real when all of it was based on lies?”

  “Because it is real, London. Don’t you dare tell me it’s not!” He was worked up now; his face was flushed, a thick vein protruding at his temple. “I didn’t intend on this happening the way it did. I made a promise to Hunter only because it was what was best for you. But don’t fault me for acting on my emotions, London. I’d kept them locked up for so many years. I did the right thing by him—by you—for so long. But he fucked up. He didn’t deserve you. Hunter was the mastermind behind all of this, so if you want to hate someone, hate him. Not me.” He winced in pain, out of breath but determined to get his point across. “I did the best I could do. Yes, I lied, but I lied because I love you. I love you so much that nothing else—no one else—matters. Are you telling me you still don’t know that? That after everything we’ve been through, you’re still confused about my feelings for you?”

  No, I wasn’t confused about his feelings. It was clear he loved me, but was the way in which he loved me any less dangerous than the way Bryce claimed to love me? Love should be limitless, without borders or restrictions, but Sam crossed a boundary. It scared me when I wondered just how far he would go to get what he wanted.

  This was too much. I was drowning in my own thoughts.

  “I have to go.”

  Sam’s eyes popped wide. “Wh-what do you mean?”